Thursday, June 9th 2011
4:40 pm Jarina & Damien took me to Port Authority on 42nd and 8th Ave.
My bus was leaving at 5 pm, it was
4:45 and we got pulled over by a cop
for speeding, D flashed him his badge, politely apologized and we carried
on. Nata is waiting outside the station to give me Brett’s sweater and a
quick goodbye kiss and hug. Jarina, Nata and I race to the Greyhound
ticket counter and then to my gate.
4:55 pm The nice people at Greyhound shut the door on Jari & Natalia
robbing us of a little goodbye drama. Sat next to a very nice and very
pretty old lady. Haven’t left the city yet but someone already decided to
change their baby’s diaper and a guy just screamed at the driver…here we
go…next stop Philly.
9:52 pm Somewhere near Harrisburg, PA a fellow traveler from a few
seats down decides to use the facilities, leaving a concentrated and thick
aroma that followed him back to his seat, Pepe le Pew style.
9:55 pm Harrisburg , PA. Our driver is quite funny and while introducing
himself he complains about smokers not listening to "a word he says”
and adds “I will leave yo ass behind if you go out for a smoke without my
permission”. A couple of men board the bus, they have beautiful dark skin,
they look like statues, like tired statues, tired subsaharian statues…they
don’t speak a word of English, with a sad and tired look on their face they
make their way to their seats. I am really looking forward to our first rest
stop…creepy Silent Hill
10:08 pm The Amish are here!! It’s a cute couple with a baby, firm non-
believers in any kind of odor masking product. I just heard a Hispanic
woman talking to her “niños cabrones”, it made me feel strangely warm
and fuzzy inside.
Soundtrack: Patsy Cline
11:54 pm @ Silent Hill, having some coffee and a couple of cigs with Nina
Simone. Nothing to report but getting carded for buying cigs BLAH no
zombies, demons or ashy satanic mist…I want my money back!
Friday, June 10th 2011
2:13 am Pittsburg 2 hour layover. The driver gave too many instructions,
so I will have to talk in my fake deep voice and ask where to re-board.
Soundtrack: Arctic Monkeys
2:27 am Outside the Pittsburg bus station, there is a girl that boarded in
Harrisburg she looks like a homeless runaway, tired, dirty and with a look
in her eye that clearly shows mistreat and abuse. She is very pretty, but
dresses as to not draw attention to herself. I think she’s been a runaway
for a while, she went straight for the big outdoor ashtrays and quickly took
them apart to look for butts she could smoke, I will be sharing my cigs
with her for the duration of the trip. She is still outside and I don’t want to
make her feel uncomfortable, so before going back in I gave her 5 or 6,
she looked down and smiled a little bit and broke my heart in a thousand
pieces. I wanted to take her home with me…adopt a runaway. The new
driver will call “405” to have us board…let’s see what happens in the next
hour.
3:35 am Boarded the same bus and we are on our way to Columbus, OH.
Two ladies helped me with my bag saying “push child! Push! Push as if
you were having a baby” (as if I will ever know the pains of labor), finally
I was able to fit my bag in the overhead compartment and they said: “it’s
a boy” winked at me, laughed (with me?) and took their seat. Runaway
Girl didn’t board...oh wait! I see her! She’s in line waiting to connect with
another bus going to Cali. Oh and we have a grumpy lady driver, her name
is Myra…”where’s yo ticket!!!!??”.
MISS MYRA’S WELCOMING MESSAGE ON SPEAKERPHONE (to be added soon)
Soundtrack: Florence and the Machine
5:31 am McD’s 105 miles from Columbus. Lied to this big tough guy sitting
next to me about my pink water bottle in my fake deep voice when he
asked with a face of disbelief and a bit of disgust: “is that yours son?” I
replied: “my girlfriend Jarina gave it to me to think about her during my
trip”. Now that I think of it I didn’t lie, I just left the “best friend that happens
to be a girl” part out. He rolled his eyes and pfffftd saying: “crazy women I
tell ya”.
Soundtrack: The best of Bread
7:29 am Myra is running behind schedule and making up for it by telling
jokes and asking us not to let anyone "take away our joy"…wtf?
Soundtrack: Goldfrapp
8:00 am The good people at Greyhound gave me instructions to get on
a bus that didn’t say where it was going. I’m a bit relieved because at
least the “gate” through which I boarded read: “all south connections”.
Myra actually gave me the option to continue my trip on her bus, I politely
declined by saying “I don’t want an extra option Miss Myra, I want MY
bus but really, thanks!”. Let’s just hope this is the right one. By my side
a fat lady with freckles invades the country that my seat is, by spilling
out of hers into mine. She is reading “Naughty little angel” with a velvety
retouched picture on the cover of what seems to be a stripper standing on
a cliff held by what looks like a French master butcher on steroids and a
thick mustache.
8:21 am Our driver just introduced himself over the intercom, and warned
us that if we misbehave in any way it could trigger a flashback from his
days as a war veteran, resulting in the possible hospitalization (bush
collision) of ALL of us. He also recommended us to misbehave in couple
or groups, saying that it would “break his tiny heart” to leave a passenger
alone, out in the rain on the side of the road, "it's always better to have
company" he said. Express bus to Cincinnati, sounds perfect driver
Michael…SIR!
Update: Fat lady with freckles is now Fat Burping lady with freckles.
9:58 am We are in Cincinnati. Where is Lonnie Anderson?!? I can’t believe
I’m in the place that inspired one of my favorite sitcoms as a kid. I was 8 or
9 and I loved watching stories of the radio station employees and of course
Lonnie’s big hair and short skirts. Fat Burping lady with freckles made a big
effort to keep her troops off my side of the seat, so thank you FBLWF.
10:27 am there is a lost Franciscan hippie monk looking for God…or the
right gate…both as equally important when traveling Greyhound. There is
a group of 5 or 6 white guys speaking loudly and bitterly complaining about
the confusing way Greyhound operates…these blue collar southern guys
are polite and very sweet: “aw mahn, I’m sorry were u sittin’ here?”
11:52 am The “dog” just bit my ass, and I want to NUTTER him. My bus
got full so the super amazing cool people at Greyhound put me on another
one, not telling me that I would get to El Paso through another route and
getting there seven hours later than originally scheduled. Now I get to
ELP at 1 am. I am a bit sad, I had iconic/exotic destinations to visit like
Elizabethtown, Little Rock (Bill’s hometown), Memphis to rock like Elvis,
Nashville to channel Dolly or Taylor. My new schedule is taking me to
places like: London (Kentucky), Texarkana and the beautiful Sulphur
Springs (dreading to find out how this town got it’s name).
5:57 am Knoxville TN, I met a fellow Mexican that’s been with me since
Cincinnati, where the bus also left him stranded. His name is Don Jose
and he works in building demolition and tells me he is heading to Mexico to
go to the doctor for treatment since he is a bit sick (he won’t tell and I won’t
ask). He is light spoken and kind, has the look of a man that has worked all
his life. He bought me some M&M’s that I had to turn down because I don’t
want to have to poop at any point during this journey (I’m a hypocrite, I got
myself a Texas cinnamon bun). We saw a guy wearing a cowboy hat and
we both smiled knowing the bus to Dallas had finally arrived (I also smiled
because the cowboy was kinda hot, who knows? Maybe Don José smiled
because of that too). In any case he will be my definitive travel partner
until we reach our final destination. Boarding “gate” 1 at 6:30 pm…"There
are now electrical outlet stations, conveniently located in every greyhound
terminal, thank you for fly…rid…putting up with the ugliest but most fun
dog out on the roads of the US of A"
Update: Talking a little bit more to Don José, he confessed he is not sick
but he has an “issue” he needs to take care of…in Durango! So he is still
going to cross the border to Juarez (which terrifies him) and take a 19 hour
bus ride to get there, jokingly he said “I’ll arrive to my final destination with
my butt flat as a board, well, that is if I still have a butt”, we both
chuckled…he is shy and I am too, we don’t talk too much but take care of
our stuff when one wants to go to the restroom or for a smoke. It is now
6:45 pm and it’s time to board. I was going to sit with my buddy Don Jose
but there was a guy that smelled awful (and I don’t spook easily!) so I
looked at him and actually said “no way Jose, you are on your own”… I
found a seat with an extremely shy Hispanic woman…and I realized I am
surrounded by my peeps, reminding me that soon that’s all Ill be
surrounded by…my peeps. No more Hindi, Cuban, French, Korean,
Dominican, Serbian, Mandarin, English…nope, it will mainly be Mexican
Spanish what I hear on the streets, which is not a bad thing at all, it will
just be one more thing to miss from NY. Our lady driver is about to
introduce herself, lets see…
7:02 pm Lady driver doesn’t joke around, her message was quite
professional and to the point. On the other hand there is a missionary
behind me (as in SITTING behind me) he is preaching to his neighbor
about the good book…ohhh let the good times roll! And things keep getting
interesting, as I type a guy sitting next to both of them intervenes and says
he doesn’t want to hear anything and asks him to change subjects or shut
up. I am sitting in the hot zone, I will now proceed to record part of the
conversation…mission accomplished:
GUY’S SERMON (to be added soon)
10:33 pm Nashville has the ugliest bus station, I am overwhelmed by fowl
smells and the horror of deep rooted and crusted filth. I really want to leave
this place ASAP. I go out for a smoke and take out my cigs attracting 5-6
people asking me to spare one (which I do without hesitation), outside is
even worse than on the inside, there are people smoking pot, drinking out
of paper bags, prostitutes and policemen interacting together in a surreal
scenario complemented by a painter with no legs and high as a kite selling
his work (Elvis portraits and grey countryside landscapes) while laying on
the floor completely horizontal.
11:03 pm Boarded the same bus on our way to Dallas. Met a nice señora
going to Guadalajara, a gringa (going all the way to El Paso) and another
guy that apparently has been riding with me since NYC. We are officially
traveling in a group. Señora Maria asked me to keep an eye on her
2 daughters that she had to sit separate from each other and herself.
I’m glad all my posse made it to the bus and that we are getting out of
here shortly. Nashville: you is ugly ghurl. No country music for me in a
while...maybe
Update: Channeling Florencia with all my might and hoping that someone
is as patient with her (she is currently traveling France with her 3 kids) as
I am being with this baby and his mom. The baby keeps kicking my seat
non-stop…Dios dame fuerza! Oh and our driver’s name is Virgil, not funny
or engaging.
Houston we have a problem: Jessica is…ehem…into me.
Saturday, June 11th 2011
12:49 am We are near Jackson TN, and the moon lights up the sky
shinning on the tree tops and reflecting it’s silver light on the little bodies
of water that are scattered all over. It looks amazing, so beautiful that I
forgive Tennessee for my experience in Nashville.
Soundtrack: Serge Gainsbourg
3:25 am After spending an hour at the Memphis bus station (and falling in
love with Señora Maria and her two teenage daughters Karla & Joanna)
we are now re-boarding the bus to Dallas, it’s going to be a long trip but
it feels like the last stretch. It is extraordinary to see how Mexicans bond,
Don Jose is much older than me and in a matter of hours after meeting
him I treat him with the same respect and care I would an older relative.
Maria is now the shepherd and I am her right hand, go ask them this, help
me put this over there, let’s get in line, have some coffee... Our gringo
factor, Jessica, is a sweet girl from Tennessee and she lets us know how
safe and comfortable she feels around brown people. We are all clustered
together in the bus on seats 29-34, headed to Bill Clinton’s hometown.
Soundtrack: Nina Simone
6:49 am Just left Little Rock and still making our way to Dallas. Nothing
to report except that Maria told me her whole life story, Jessica asked me
if I had a girlfriend in El Paso or in NY...I said: "Jessica, I dig dudes", she
said "dig them up from where? haha you are so funny Juan!"...I give up
Soundtrack: Joanna Newsom
11:08 am Had a 30 minute layover in Texarkana. Maria made fun of me
because the gringa is acting like my girlfriend and tries to boss me around
and follows me everywhere. Another brownie joins the group, Felipe is his
name (heading all the way to El Paso as well, a very popular destination
nowadays it seems).
1:12 pm Sulphur Springs turned out to be a beautiful place. The always
delicious presence of Arby’s and a patriotic barn house welcome me to the
Lone Star State. We have been notified that we will be 2 hours late coming
in to Dallas, this dog should be left in the pound and put down.
Soundtrack: Aretha Franklin
6:58 pm At the Dallas bus station, our team decides to pay 5 extra dollars
for “priority seating” which means that we get to sit in a specific section
of the station and Greyhound personnel come get you 20 minutes before
the "general public" boards the bus. We bid farewell to Maria and her
daughters, I take a picture with them and she gives me her blessing.
Once we board the bus I hear this conversation:
-Hiya! Whats’s your name? I’m Kimmy
-Hiya Kimmy! I’m Barbara Anne, pleasure to meet ya!
Not a particularly special conversation if not for the fact that before
boarding the bus everyone trying to claim their rightful place in line was
acting like animals, pushing and shoving each other. Insults and spit (yes
spit) flying all over the place. My café con leche team is bound to El Paso,
NO MORE TRANSFERS!! This is really the final stretch.
Soundtrack: The Black Keys
11:34 pm We are well on our way to El Paso and Jessica and I are in
love with our driver (she knows now). He must have some sort of military
background for he gave us a very specific agenda, complete with a
set of phrases or “boarding calls”, these are codes he will use on the
loudspeaker to let us know that we either have 5 minutes left to eat our
food at our rest stop, board the bus or that our bus is leaving. We have two
final stops ahead before reaching El Paso: Odessa and Van Horn. I love
Odessa and it’s fields of never ending oil drilling machines by the side of
the road that look like mechanical palm trees dancing in the desert. I know
it might sound terrible and anti-environmental but it is truly a sight to see, in
a futuristic, apocalyptic, try to find beauty anywhere, Kubrick/Kurosawa kind
of way.
Caribou’s “Odessa”…while in Odessa
NOTE: There was a transgender girl that rode with me from Cincinnati
to Dallas. Her face was scared by acne, she was tall and lanky and a bit
awkward when walking or communicating. She always smiled at me and
I would smile back. It broke my heart to see her face when having to use
restrooms marked MEN, but not even that brought down her spirit, she
continued smiling to everyone in her path. She had curly hair and wore
matching neon pink top and tennis shoes. Her small but noticeable bosom
threw people off when they would hear her super deep and masculine
voice (I knew better since I was coming from NY), if she only knew I would
trade her voice for mine in a second and I am sure we would both be quite
happy with the results of the transaction. I was always nervous for her,
hell I was nervous for me! But I surely was ready to jump to her defense in
case she would find herself in a difficult situation, but nobody in the deep
DEEP south did or say anything to make her feel uncomfortable She was
on her way to L.A…I wish I had talked to her.
Soundtrack: More Nina & Lykke Li
Sunday, June 12th 2011
12:39 am My feet were on fire, I felt they were going to die, I had to
take off my shoes…and anybody that knows me, knows how big of a
gamble that venture can prove to be. Yesterday Maria was freezing and
complained about not wearing any socks, so I gave her my extra pair,
so I didn’t have a clean pair to change into. In the Greyhound bus world,
people scream to the driver “turn down the ac!” “turn up the ac!” “step on
it!” “slow down!” "are we there yet!?!?!", and if anyone dares to go to the
restroom and comes out dissipating any sort of aroma, all the passengers
let him/her know about the severity of the offense by making jokes and
commenting out loud. My feet didn’t smell but I was quite nervous of
finding out, a very audacious move on my behalf.
4:00 am Van Horn is our last stop on this trip and we are two hours away
from El Paso. This could be the most beautiful place on earth where
unicorns roam free and double rainbows adorn the sky everyday, there is
no pollution and mankind lives in peace…but after 59 hours on the road, I
couldn’t care less…I am ready for this journey to come to an end.
5:58 am Our driver announces our arrival to El Paso. I am two seconds
short of starting a group cheer and singing the national anthem (the
mexican national anthem)…but I am too tired, excited…and in a bit of a
shock. I take a picture with both Don José and Felipe who will be taking
the bus together across the border to Juarez. I wish them the very best
and hug them tight, thanking them for making this trip such an amazing
experience. They run after the bus, and say a quick goodbye to Jessica
with whom I take a picture afterwards and bid farewell to…my baby cousin
Brenda is here to pick me up.
While riding the bus these 61 hours, one thing was constantly on my mind…as the greyhound dog kept feeding, devouring miles, the distance
between me and Girona (the retarded boricua that shat on my heart
and didn’t even take a second to look back) grew bigger, making my heart
feel waves of nostalgia, relief and peace…this was immediately followed
by a sense of heaviness for leaving behind my friends, my Jarina, my little
apartment in the Lower East Side, mi Nueva York.
I HEART NY
To my petite chanteuse mermaid…thanks for the best gift you ever gave
me (no, not him) US.
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